Why Pirates Wear Eyepatches
Pirates are geniuses.
I always thought it strange that so many pirates had lost an eye in their swashbuckling sea adventures. It seems every time I see a pirate, or a rendering of a pirate, there is an eyepatch involved. But now I understand why.
The truth is, most pirates have two good eyes. Very good eyes. They work perfectly. So why the patch? It's genius.
Suppose you're a pirate, out on deck of your creaking, moaning, splintery pirate ship. You're in tropical waters, like say the Caribbean (did you pronounce that right in your head? --our friendship depends on it). Anyway, the sun is directly above you, bright and hot, and you are overtaking another vessel which you plan to hijack. You climb your mast and swing on a rope to deftly and pirately land on the deck of the other vessel, and your swordfight begins against the other crew. Now here's where your eyepatch comes in handy:
You suddenly pursue one of your hijackees (who of course has no eyepatch like you do) through the hatch and below deck. Your opponent stumbles around and bumps into things waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting below deck. But YOU, you GENIUS PIRATE, simply switch your eyepatch to your other eye, and you instantly have perfect vision, already adjusted to darkness because your eyepatch has been keeping the bright sunlight out, just for a moment like this.
Oh dear. I'm more impressed with pirates every day. I think I'll go read 'Treasure Island' again.
Arrgh!
Don't get me started on the genius of peg legs and hook hands.
I always thought it strange that so many pirates had lost an eye in their swashbuckling sea adventures. It seems every time I see a pirate, or a rendering of a pirate, there is an eyepatch involved. But now I understand why.
The truth is, most pirates have two good eyes. Very good eyes. They work perfectly. So why the patch? It's genius.
Suppose you're a pirate, out on deck of your creaking, moaning, splintery pirate ship. You're in tropical waters, like say the Caribbean (did you pronounce that right in your head? --our friendship depends on it). Anyway, the sun is directly above you, bright and hot, and you are overtaking another vessel which you plan to hijack. You climb your mast and swing on a rope to deftly and pirately land on the deck of the other vessel, and your swordfight begins against the other crew. Now here's where your eyepatch comes in handy:
You suddenly pursue one of your hijackees (who of course has no eyepatch like you do) through the hatch and below deck. Your opponent stumbles around and bumps into things waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting below deck. But YOU, you GENIUS PIRATE, simply switch your eyepatch to your other eye, and you instantly have perfect vision, already adjusted to darkness because your eyepatch has been keeping the bright sunlight out, just for a moment like this.
Oh dear. I'm more impressed with pirates every day. I think I'll go read 'Treasure Island' again.
Arrgh!
Don't get me started on the genius of peg legs and hook hands.
posted by Christopher at
7:31 AM
